[Syn:] How ya'll doing? Welcome back to my wonderful interviews! Today we will be discussing... his fans! *dun dun dun!*

[Snape:] Is that necassary, I ask?

[Syn:] Well, duh. Sir, you signed the contract so you gotta answer my questions.

[Snape:] (sigh)

[Syn:] Firstly, what do you think of these hormone-driven teens who chase after you even when you're on the toilet?

[Snape:] Idiotic. How can they possibly have any positive feelings towards me?

[Syn:] Maybe they find you interesting. I do.

[Snape:] Yes, but you do not... want me.

[Syn:] True, but you're still interesting. Next question, would you ever consider sleeping with any of your fans? Only you won't be doing much sleeping... *nudge, wink*

[Snape:] No, I would not.

[Syn:] Unless?

[Snape:] Unless they spoke to me respectively and made me feel comfortable in their presence.

[Syn:] Eww... are you opening up to me?

[Snape:] I merely answered your question.

[Syn:] Oh. So you wouldn't go for chicks like me?

[Snape:] No, I would have to find you intriguing.

[Syn:] Rude. Anyhoo, what do you think of all these fanfictions about you and Hermione getting it on?

[Snape:] I would appreciate it if people thought of me of something of a higher standard. She is my student, and nothing more. I would never have a relationship with a student at my school. Furthermore, these are fictional. They are as unreal as you and me.

[Syn:] Hey, I'm the real one here, buster. But some of these fictions have Hermione come back as a professor... then you guys get it on. What do you have to say about these?

[Snape:] Miss Granger would think of me nothing more than an colleague, if that were true. I would feel the same.

[Syn:] So you're basically saying Hermione's not good enough for ya?

[Snape:] Very much so.

[Syn:] Heh heh. Anyway, what are these rumours of you starring in porn videos with your beloved fans about?

[Snape:] WHAT?!

[Syn:] I sai-

[Snape:] I heard you! Those rumours are completely false! I would never use my body in such ways!

[Syn:] But I know who would...

[Snape:] What was that?

[Syn:] BUT I KNO-

[Snape:] I heard you! Who would this person be, I ask?

[Syn:] You're fans! (clicks fingers)

Suddenly, a whole herd of fans come storming in

[Fans:] Oh, look at him!
He's sooo hot!!
I think I'm in L-U-V, love!
I can see the bulge in his pan- (in unison) HEY! Where'd he go?

[Snape:] (hiding behind Syn) (whispering) Tell them to leave!

[Syn:] Why should I? Hey, girls! (points behind her)

[Snape:] (still whispering) You won't get away with this, Synasia.

[Fans:] Oh, there you are!
How cute!
He thought he could hide behind skinny Syn!
We see you, hunny-bunny!

[Snape:] Enough! I want silence!

Silence

[Syn:] Cool!! I want lunch!

[Cook:] Fat chance

[Syn:] Hmph!

Suddenly, the fans charge for Snape

[Snape:] (trying to turn around and run) This won't end well

They get him to the ground, all huddling him

[Syn:] (stuck in crowd of fans) Help! (sticking out a hand above the fans) I'm drowning!!

Security pull Syn out. They try to pry the fans off Snape, but that did them no good coz they only got beaten up in the process.